Spamming shit baggy escort directory extraordinaire! (Warning: excessive cussing within)

So the shower of shites at adultclassifieds@a1list.net who run this shit show (May their crotches be infested with the fleas of a thousand camels) sent me one of the usual generic spamming 'Join our escort directory! It's free and great for you! Best ever!' shittastic emails yesterday.

I always delete anything like this without reading them, on principle. I, like most 'ho's, get a couple of emails along these lines most days. I never list with them, any of them. My email address is on the web for potential clients, not in order for pimpy wannabe shitmongers trying to turn a buck from the supposedly latest greatest whoring version of the Yellow Pages to contact me.

That's usually as far as my annoyance goes, and I generally don't even bother with the 'click to unsubscribe' option, because for one I can't be arsed, and for two, there is a school of thought that says, replying to said shitfactories even in the negative, only makes it worse as you have now confirmed that your email address is legitimate and real.

Anyway. So why am I ranting about this particular crowd when generally I just hit 'delete?'

About half hour after receiving/ deleting the spammy email from the 'a1shitlist' people, I got an email from some angry dude I had never heard of saying

"STOP SPAMMING ME, I NEVER SIGNED UP FOR YOUR MAILING LIST!"

which confused the fuck out of me, mainly because I wasn't spamming him, but also because I don't actually keep a mailing list.

A few seconds later, I got ANOTHER email from someone else, who clearly also got this email from 'angry dude,' replying to said angry dude with

"the spam email was cc'd, so when you reply to them you reply to all of us unfortunates who they sent it to... Stop replying or remove the cc you're just making it worse for all of us!"

Hot on it's heels came a third email, from shitmonger directory's no- reply auto response system, thanking Angry Dude (and ergo all of us) for mailing them, and promising to get back to him shortly, when all became clear.

Their initial spamming email was sent not just to me, but cc'd to what has to be several hundred other escorts/ agencies/ directories etc, all in the one hit. That's cc'd, not bcc'd.

Since then, of course, I have learnt that unlike me, LOADS of whores do bother replying with 'stop sending me this shit' type messages to unsolicited email senders- I know this, because I am receiving every single one of them.

I also then, for each 'unsubscribe' email someone sends, receive the auto acknowledgement from A1listshitstabbers mailing service to the entire cc list, and then the three or four subsequent responding emails from other recipients on 'the list' who have gotten pissed off enough to fire off

"PLEASE STOP REPLYING TO THEM OR AT LEAST REMOVE THE CC'S! WHEN YOU DO THIS, WE ALL GET IT!"

style responses.

24 hours on, this has frankly become bad enough to actually make me want to offer them a free service- Domination, complete with electrics, and I don't mean battery powered, I mean '240v with the trip fuses replaced by thick nails.'

My annoyance is exacerbated by the fact that these mouthbreathing idiots have now published my email address over to fucking hundreds of other people too, essentially providing any number of other agencies, directories and randomers with a free ready made mailing list, should they chose to use it, of which I am an unwilling part.
Also by the fact that it's an American escort directory, and so not even well targeted at me, a London hooker.

So every hour or so, I have another five- ten emails either directly from, or directly caused by these fucktards, who by now surely have the blackest reputation of any wannabe directory on the net and are more than likely going to get hacked/ cracked/ dumped by their web hosts within the next 48 hours as a consequence.
And just for the owners/managers responsible for A1list.net's succesful launch onto the world wide web, a personal message...

HI!! DID YOU SEE SITE HITS COMING TO YOUR WANKTACULAR (AND NOT IN THE GOOD WAY) MAGGOTY LITTLE DIRECTORY AND FOLLOW THEM BACK HERE TO SEE WHAT WAS BEING SAID ABOUT IT?

OK, HERE YOU GO! YOU MOTHERFUCKING ARSE BANDIT WANK STAIN ON THE UNDERPANTS OF HUMANITY SON OF A CRACKWHORE SKANKMONGERING WANNABE PIMPING SCABIES INFESTED LIMP DICKED LITTLE GIMPS! TAKE MY FUCKING EMAIL ADDRESS OFF OF YOUR MAILING LIST, STOP SPAMMING ME, STOP CAUSING OTHER PEOPLE TO SPAM ME, AND THEN FUCK OFF AND DIE!

That's better.

Anyway. I am determined not to make the cc spamming issue worse to all of the other recipients, by replying to these morons myself. Also I am loathe to just remove the 'cc' option and tell them all about themselves one to one, ref. prior point about it essentially confirming my email address.

But what I CAN do, and will cheerfully do, aside from reporting them to the various monitors, and their site hosts etc, is write a ratty blog post about them and generally do what I can, in my own small way, towards giving them the reputation and publicity they so richly deserve.

Cats and Stacks... Oh how I love my pussy

I totally forgot to share with you all recently, one of my beloved children (Paddington, who yes, is a cat) was featured on Tits & Sass's Cats and Stacks section.

Behold, Paddington, AKA 'Pimp cat' lording it over my monies.


Just to be clear, my furry children are the only pimps I have ever had, or ever will... Anyone who has funded the long and healthy life of an animal will know just what I'm talking about there!

You might be invited to fuck me, but don't fuck with me...

I read a great article on one of my favourite blogs, Tits and Sass earlier this week.
Elle, a stripper in Portland, Oregon wrote an article on her experience of martial arts training and how it has helped her both in her day to day life and specifically as a sex worker.

Some of My Best Moves Can Hurt You: Elle’s Martial Arts Training

I highly recommend reading her piece to anyone involved in the sex industry at any level, be it stripping, escorting, whatever.

Elle and I later made a couple of posts in the 'comments' section, at the bottom of the article, and from which I have reproduced my post below.

I find this (Elle's article) very interesting, as a sex worker who has also held a part time ‘day job’ in the private security industry on and off since I was 18 years old.

Of course, most sex workers know, that training however thoroughly, is only half the battle…
The other half being, having the presence of mind to be able to summon up any amount of theoretical knowledge and training in a real life situation, when you are possibly half dressed, and probably no one is going to come to your aid.

I think that it’s often understated, but one of the very real benefits of self defence training, is the intangible aura of general self assurance good self confidence that it gives to the student.
It’s the kind of switched on manner of polite assertiveness that makes a would- be attacker decide, for some reason that they probably can’t even pinpoint, that ‘this’ girl is not going to be worth the hassle of fucking with.

Also the self assured or self defence trained sex worker has a great ability to manage and, if needed, cut off an encounter in the early stages of the ‘this doesn’t feel right’ feeling, and so avoid getting into a potential fight or flight scenario in the first place.

For sure, nothing works 100% of the time- And in life there will always potentially be someone bigger and badder than you. But you can swing that percentage in your favour , by taking a little time and effort to learn some self defence basics and as part of that, learn to look at the way you view yourself, and your clients, and your environment on the whole, in a different way.

Shit People Say To Sex Workers...

With thanks to Uppity Whores...

There's really nothing about this video that I don't like. It speaks for itself really- I will just add the old adage, "It's soooo funny because it's true!"

Back off bitches, I've pulled...

So after deciding to give Cardiff a wide berth, I have started looking to the future, in this case, considering a one or two day tour to Jersey.

Ladies, prepare to welcome my betrothed... Jake/ Justin. Which is his actual name, I hear you ask?
Well how should I know, we have only just met!

"Date: 21/12/2011 15:58
From: Jake
Subject: Happy Christmas


Hi
I see your in Jersey, I live in Guernsey so only a 10 min plane away, I`m very genuine, wealthy and quite good looking I would like to book you on a professional level but also and please believe me I am genuine I would like to marry a sex worker, as this is a huge turn on for me, it goes without saying after a period of dating and assuming we feel in love, I was wondering if this might appeal to you as I think you are gorgeous

Justin xx"

OMG!!! A self confessed 'quite good looking wealthy man' 15 years my senior wants to marry me, and without ever having met me!
OMG!!! My knight in shining armour is FINALLY here!
After a period of dating and assuming we feel in love, I am SO out of here!!!
OMG!!! LUCKY ME!!!

Back off you jealous bitches, this one is mine!

Parents, Louboutins and Lesbians, oh my!

Around six months ago now, my Father turned 70 and finally retired from his job.
And by 'retired' what I really mean is, 'was eventually let go for reasons of health, safety and the rising cost of maintaining an AED and the staff trained to use one.'
But still, he seems very happy with it all so far.

However, in my opinion, he has spent WAY too much time since then watching daytime tv, and not enough time learning to fish and play golf, as initially threatened.

My Mother sent him out today to pick up a cheapo pair of shoes for me that had been ordered into their local Topshop branch, as there were none of my size left to be had anywhere in any Topshop store within the entire Greater London region.

He actually managed to come back with the right shoes, which was something of a surprise in itself, but the real 'what the fuck?!' moment came later, when he casually dropped into the conversation this little gem...

"They look similar in style to me to one of the signature pairs from the Louboutin fall line, although they have more of a spoon heel and of course, plain coloured soles."

The full significance of the fact that the man whom I last saw dressed like Worzel Gummage was now going all Gok Wan on me, was initially overshadowed somewhat by the fact that his pronunciation of 'Louboutin' was like nothing I am even going to attempt to replicate via text.

Suffice to say that it sounded more like 'lesbian' the first three times that I heard it, than it did 'Louboutin.'

I'm taking my ball, and I'm going home!

Right Cardiff, I have had MORE than enough of you already, and the thing is I never even made it as far as checking in!
Cancelling a tour solely as a result of the poor quality of the enquiries I received prior to arrival is something that I cannot remember EVER doing before, in my numerous tours to different areas of the UK and Europe, spanning several years.

So I am/ have, now officially cancelled my planned Cardiff tour.

To be fair, I was very much leaning in that direction as a result of the set of messages I received and posted in my previous blog entry, but to top it all off, came the exchange detailed below.

Message one from "foot_fetishguy."

"Hey how are u? :)

I have a foot fetish ranging from kissing, licking, smelling feet. Also like to be stepped on barefoot...where would you step?!

I'm disabled & use a wheelchair so outcall is prefered (CARDIFF) I don't make calls, theres nothing we can't discuss & organise here xx"

Ok. All good so far, albeit I will not agree to a booking without speaking on the phone. However this guy says he is disabled, and I don't know if he means in ways additionally to being a wheelchair user, so I am prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Although I am already hearing a slightly bum note at the rather dictatorial 'my way or the highway' "I don't make calls, theres nothing we can't discuss & organise here" comment.

My reply.

"Hiya. Sorry I'm afraid I'm only passing through Cardiff for one day and I'm not able to take your booking now.
If you like I can let you know if I'm going through again with more time to maybe arrange an out call?"

Message two from "foot_fetishguy."

"Yeah that would be nice hun thanks :)

Just out of interest, where are you willing to step? You can't step on my back or legs due to my disability. x"

My reply.

"Ok, I will do.
Trampling is tailored to the needs and desires of the client so I would discuss that with you first when we met before going ahead, to make sure we were both on the same page.
Many thanks."

Message three from "foot_fetishguy."

"That doesn't answer my question

Nevermind"

Really, though? Because I thought that was a very appropriate answer.
Adding this to the vibe I got from the first message, I went for a look to see if he had filled in any of the optional details on his profile in order to get more of a 'feel' for him, and found out that he had.

He had pretty much only filled in this, in fact...

"I find it ignorant that escorts on this site ignore messages without having the deceny to replay with some sort of acklodgement! It doesn't take much to reply with some sort of answer!"

Mmmm, well at this point I realised that my initial vibe was in fact right, with bells on, being as I am not really in the market for meeting angry misogynists with chips on their shoulders.
So now I have established to my own satisfaction via my brief communication with him, that it was his manner that was likely at the root of any problems he has had with escorts, rather than that he has just contacted a bad crop of girls.
So right there, that was the moment that I decided that I didn't wish to meet with him, as is my right.

So I didn't reply right away, as I was looking at his profile, although I did intend to reply shortly after to just thank him for his interest and let him know I wouldn't be seeing him.
But in the interim, comes

Message four from "foot_fetishguy."

"Take it you're not interested as u didn't reply..."

Indeed, correct Watson. But anyway, as you're so twisted up on how ignorant 'us escorts' are, I'll respond, and be direct but polite.

My reply.

"I'm not now. But thank you for your enquiry and best wishes in finding a lady who is a good match."

Message five from "foot_fetishguy."

"Thanks for messing me about too :)

You didn't answer the questions i asked, so you're to really providing a sevice are you if you can't answer them instead of giving replies like "i'll step anywhere"

Too many timewasting escorts on here just here to make money without providing a proper service!"

Hmm, ok, how can I put this? Oh yeah.
BITE ME!
But still,

My reply.

"Thank you for your opinions.
I would suggest that your manner is possibly what is putting escorts off of dealing with you.
I have plenty of good feedback from clients whom I have chosen to meet, and as an independent escort, I reserve the right to meet only clients whom I feel I would be 100% happy with and which I would be able to provide a good service to.
I feel that it is better to be clear and honest at the initial enquiry stage, hence why I have let you know now that I will not be willing to meet with you in the future.

As I say, I wish you luck and hope you do find a lady that is a good fit for you, but as we are both in agreement that that is not me, I would ask you not to message me again as I will not longer respond to your messages.

Best wishes, Appoline."

Message six from "foot_fetishguy."

"Nothing wrong with my manner hun, i've got good feedback myself :)

Just don't like escorts dodging questions & giving replies such as "i'll step anywhere" to me thats not answering the question.

I always ask where they'll step..giving you the opportunity to tell me where you're going to step unless i state you can't or dont want you to."

Lolz. I would get wound up by guys like these, I expect, if they wasn't so transparently funny.

As it was clear from the off that the chances of us ever meeting were logistically remote anyway, and even that notwithstanding I will not be dictated to by would- be clients, or drawn into the whole 'tell me what you'd do to me in graphic detail in 1,000 words or more in order to get my money' kinds of messages, for me it was a no- brainer from pretty much the start.

And I fully acknowledge that as he says, our hero here does have six positive feedback ticks from escorts who have presumably met him. (Four whom are still showing as escorts, and another two who are shown as no longer escorting... For whatever reason.) Woo hoo, go you!

I am assuming that those six were not part of the presumably sizeable escort demographic that called bullshit on him or found his manner dictatorial and condescending enough to ignore him in great enough numbers to make him post his 'angry punter' statement on his profile...

Still, if he considers a short exchange of messages with me and a very honest and firm but polite 'I will not see you' as time-wasting, and that I must be a fake because I will not play his topping from the bottom games, then I can see why he has, and will continue to, find escorts a constant source of disappointment.

So goodbye Cardiff, I'll give you a wave as I pass through you on the train.
But for any of you genuine guys whom I know must be living there who might have wished to meet with me...
Sorry, but you're going to have to be the one that does the travelling to make that happen now.

See ya!